Self DIS-service Checkout Kiosks

I just got back from a shopping trip to Wally-world, as my children call it, and one of the worst-ever check-out experiences that I've ever had.

The place was overrun with customers, as usual, and just as usual, the store only had about four registers staffed with people, and at least one of those was limited to 20 items or less.  They did have, however, about eight (8) so-called self-checkout lanes open, so having a fairly large load of purchases, I decided to depart from tradition and use one.

Big mistake.

Every. Single. Item that I scanned had a problem of one sort or another.  It usually took several tries to get an item to scan, and when the item finally scanned correctly, the damned sensors failed to recognize the fact that I had bagged the item.  The scanner would refuse to continue operating until the staff assistance cleared the logical stumbling block.  If I took took more than three seconds to bag an item, the kiosk wanted me to call for assistance before continuing to scan my purchases.  I had a cart-full of items, and by the time I was finished scanning everything, my mood was shot to hell.

Then came the attempt to pay and leave.

You know it's nothing but a pure bitch to try to pay with cash at one of those things, so I pulled out my handy-dandy credit card. I have to say this, swiping my card was really easy.  That was the only thing that was easy.

It turned out that the little electronic signature pad on the PIN device wasn't accepting signatures today.  Actually, I could see where the wire attaching the stylus to the rest of the mechanism had frayed, and so the pad didn't recognize any signal from the stylus.  In any case, no matter how many times I tried to sign the pad, nothing happened.  Finally, the staff assistant came over and printed a receipt that I could sign with a real pen.

I kid you not, at one point I was so mad I drew back my fist, ready to punch the lights out on that electromechanical bastard.

Now I am not a Luddite.  I own and operate more personal computers than most private individuals will ever use in their lifetime.  I like gadgets and new technology.  There are a million ways that electronics and other technology can and do make the world a better place. Self-service checkout kiosks are not among them.

The only people I know who like these demonic devices are those in the rarefied strata of upper management for huge retail organizations.  It gives the illusion of meeting increasing customer needs without a concurrent increase in payroll.

Of course, meeting those customer needs only works if your technological replacement for human bodies is well-maintained.  It never is.  It isn't even repaired until some crisis occurs.  Of course, if you went to the expense of regular maintenance, someone might notice that it costs as much to operate these high-tech boondoggles as it would to pay living, breathing, cashiers!  Can't have that. The stockholders would revolt.  They might cancel all those bonuses and perks that the management team feels is their due.   Hell, they might even begin to question why upper management is getting paid those outrageous salaries, if they can't get things done properly!

Here's a thought:  What if a large fraction of big-box-store customers decided that they weren't going to take it any more...  Suppose that you went into one and spent an hour or so filling up your basket with the things you needed to buy, and then went to check out.  Suppose then, that you found there were only four human-operated checkouts in service, but that there were another twenty-five human operable checkouts available that were closed.

Further suppose that the store is overrun with customers trying to get checked out, and that every one of the open, human operated checkouts has a line at least six people long.

BUT you say, there are eighteen self-service checkouts and they're all open!  Not only that, no one else is using them.  Caution strikes at that point.  If people are more willing to wait in line than they are to used the mechanical monstrosities, there must be a reason.  So you, being the astute, and angry, customer you are, say "The hell with it!. I'll go shop somewhere that actually allows me to check out without having to deal with these POS's! (You figure it out.)  So you push your (full) shopping cart right up to the self-service kiosk, walk around it and right out the door.

If you did this, something important just happened.  As a result of their effort to create the appearance of saving money on payroll, the big-box-store controllers suddenly have to spend money on payroll, putting all that merchandise back on the shelves!

Now your one, lone shopping trip isn't going to have that much effect all on its own, but what if everybody did this?  What if, every time a shopper found that his/her life was being used up by standing in line to avoid dealing with a self-service checkout, he/she simply walked away and left a couple of hundred dollars worth of goods sitting in a shopping cart, blocking the self service kiosk.  If that happened each time only three of the 30-plus available human-operated checkouts were more than three-deep in waiting customers, I think it would get the message across - don't you?  Eventually their management would get the idea that they're going to have to pay the wages, either checking people out (and thereby making money) or restocking the shelves (and thereby losing money).  Do you think it would take long?

Mariner